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The months of the year, ranked
Not all months are created equally. Some have 30 days. Some have 31. February — infuriatingly — only has 28 except when it has 29. …I don’t know either. The point is that the months of the year are wildly different. Some are hot. Some are cold. Some are wet. Some are dry. Some are good. Some are bad.
Here is a <s>definitive</s> ranking of the months of the year:
12. August
The absolute worst. Not only is it scorchingly hot, but by August it has been scorchingly hot for three months. There are no holidays to celebrate in August, nothing distinctive and fun to decorate for. It’s just blazingly warm and humid and miserable. Plus, if you’re a kid, you’re preparing to go back to school as the freedom of the summer holidays comes to an end. Gross. Also, as a writer, I find that this is the slowest month of the year for me, meaning I make the least amount of money. The absolute worst month, hands down, no question.
11. March
Saint Patrick’s Day is fun. I like green as much as the next guy. I look good in it, too. There is also something to be said for the Ides of March, which anyone who loves Shakespeare or a good doomsday prophecy can appreciate. But otherwise, this month is quite a drag. It goes on forever, and while not quite winter, it’s not quite spring either. It’s somewhere in the…
